I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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