just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
