i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
