I feel like abortions should bother me more
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
