So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
grandma shit on top of the toilet
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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