ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
