We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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