I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
