I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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