i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
