The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
