i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
