I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
