Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
