you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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