Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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