I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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