I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
