The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
