Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
