you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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