just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
why is half of my head shaved?
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