remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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