I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
