youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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