the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
