And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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