Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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