I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
