how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
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