just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
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