Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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