a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Randomize
