I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
