Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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