he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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