I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
