you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
