We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
