She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Randomize
