I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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