I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Randomize
