i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
