those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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