I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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