Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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