did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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