i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
