S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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