I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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