trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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