The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
