I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Randomize
