The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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