I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
