Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
