If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
P.S. I can't hear my feet
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize