someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
