I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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