My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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