i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
