Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
