i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
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