AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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