You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
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