Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
