I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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