how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
