did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I just pynch a tree in the face
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
