So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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