I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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