he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
