I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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