this beer tastes like vomit already
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
