Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
