she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
