I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
