Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
