Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
