I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
