Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Randomize
