Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
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