They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
