she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
