There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
