You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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